We’re all busy. We often remind and reassure ourselves that our children are fine, their homework is done, they’ve eaten all their vegetables. And while their beds aren’t made and rooms are war zones, you’re fairly pleased with the day.
Being a parent involves many unpredictable, shocking and surprising turn of events. The groceries may be put away, laundry done and dinner on the table, but just when you think you’re ahead of the game, you quickly realize you’re last in line .
Until recently, our three children, ages 16, 14 and 12, all had smartphones. With my family’s schedule, we found it necessary to regularly communicate with their whereabouts, pick up times and afternoon activities. The risk, and extra headache, is the hovering question of whether your children are using their phones responsibly. We understand the phones are not babysitters, but providing adolescents with current technology also leaves a doubtful cloud of trust. Kids today have the world in their hands, literally. At anytime, they can search the internet for information, text a classmate, call a parent, FaceTime with family. While all these abilities are convenient, they can easily crossover, resulting in dangerous and illegal consequences.
This is the tricky part. How can you whole heartedly trust a child to such accessibility? In my opinion, it’s like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit. I’ve seen children lie to parents about their phone use, sneak their phones to surf inappropriate information, forwarding texts, etc. Now that I’m aware of it, I notice it everywhere I go. Kids follow their parents while glued to handheld screens, rarely looking up to notice their surroundings. I notice it while driving, kids sitting in their parents cars, not engaged in conversation…eyes glued to their phones. Clusters of teenagers stand together, gazing at their phones, silent and not speaking to one another.
Often their behavior is mirrored by whatever negative information they’ve received. Your child’s friend (or your child) may send a mean spirited or sarcastic text…this puts them in a mood that fluctuates like a broken thermostat, leaving you to wonder, “Now what?” I’ve come to realize that kids today, send messages on what they’re feeling THAT MOMENT. There is no downtime to think, ponder, digest over something thats transpired. They’re quick to jump and respond to the drama, instantly.
With recent events, our youngest child no longer has a smart phone. We came to realize that we were no longer in control of what our daughter was reading, what was being forwarded, what was being said. I was not trusting the behavior. Most of the sticky social situations she placed herself in this year, was rooted by quick and hastily sent messages from a phone. Another concern was the lack of empathy, almost a desensitized nature towards the negativity of individuals targeted on the internet.
I also realized that I’m PART of the problem. I continued to selfishly think of how inconvenient taking her phone away would be for ME. Not by the life lessons and proper communication she should be learning. Granted, it’s an instant form of communication with your child when you are not with them. There’s a layer of security, knowing they can be reached at any moment. But there’s a price tag of uncertainty that’s attached.
By far, our kids are no saints. I’ve gone through their phones, I’ve read their messages, seen their posts. Believe me, you should too…unannounced, regularly and randomly. Get their passwords, go on their Instagram page, read their Facebook posts and read their text messages. You may or may not be surprised. If anything, it will generate questions of behavior.
Don’t let them get too comfortable. Remind them, and stick to that reminder, that their phone is a luxury. And although a stick in the spoke, they need to be reminded and understand that you’re the parent, bill payer and master decision maker. Their phone can easily be taken away, forcing them to communicate the old fashioned way.
In person.
– First Published on Real&Random on 2/25/2013
I am glad this is behind me, only grandkids to worry about now.
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